Our 2021 article in Ethical Theory and Moral Practice argued that mutuality, defined as ‘loving attention’ towards a sexual partner, should be a moral standard for ethical sex. We specified that this loving attention should occur in the form of attempting to know what could be knowable about the other person and taking a ‘thick’ view of the other in their particular social and psychological contexts. We contrasted this orientation with the comparatively ‘thin’ view of people from a rights-based ethical (...) perspective that claimed that individuals would have fulfilled their moral duty by acquiring free and informed consent from a partner. Michael Hand and Michael Reiss have responded to the article, and here we respond to their critiques. (shrink)