Recent studies have used methods designed to obtain a precise quantitative assessment of sexual aggression, but these are based on the presumption of a normative psychological understanding of what the questionnaire items mean to respondents. This article takes a novel approach that is appropriate for analysing the ‘grey zone’ between wanted and unwanted sex as the key to obtaining a deeper understanding of the data on sexual violence. Stenner and Clinch (2013) developed the concept of “liminal hotspots”, which refer to (...) liminal situations in which a rite of passage occurs from one recognised ‘structure’ to another. The article draws on in-depth interviews to examine the optimal and pessimal sexual encounters and contexts participants encounter in their sex lives. The main research question concerns how the boundary between wanted and unwanted sex is constructed. One important finding is that the concept of liminal hotspots can be used effectively to investigate the boundary between wanted and unwanted sex. (shrink)