In this article, I argue that gendered abuse is only defined as such within certain institutional configurations and norms (and the language in which the norms are expressed). Consequently, the absence or deficiency of a particular structure for identifying or naming abuse _is_ itself a kind of abuse, both deeply personal in its effects, but institutional in its nature. I call this phenomenon “discursive cornering.” To build this argument, I draw from work on the concept of consent by two feminist (...) political thinkers: nonfiction writer Melissa Febos and television creator Michaela Coel. I examine Febos’ essay “Thank You for Taking Care of Yourself” on the politics of what she terms “empty consent,” a descriptor she uses to detail how patriarchal structures can pressure women into reluctantly agreeing to their own oppression. I analyze Coel’s critically acclaimed HBO series “I May Destroy You” to show that what constitutes rape, sexual assault, and abuse is always defined within particular legal structures, which are themselves embedded in diverse political climates. I show that understandings of abuse must acknowledge the structures that define abuse, and we must remember that those structures can also themselves be abusive. Otherwise, we are unable to understand how survivors’ agency works without implicitly minimizing harm. (shrink)