Many educational theoretical approaches to cosmopolitanism tend towards an unconditional appreciation of mobility, diversity and rootlessness. The recent interest of educational philosophy in the rhizome, de-territorialization and diversity contributes to this understanding of cosmopolitanism as movement across a borderless and imperfect world. Without downplaying such insights, this article displaces and de-temporalizes them. It takes the form of a parody of the rhizome to view those insights from a different perspective and make them strike a different pedagogical note.